Nightmares in children

Your child probably won't have a nightmare before the age of three, though children sometimes wake up with a scream and a frightened look, which suggest that they have had a bad dream. An occasional nightmare is quite normal, although it can be frightening for the parent if the child doesn't become conscious straight away. If nightmares are a real problem, your doctor may recommend a child psychotherapist.

During a nightmare your child's eyes may be open although he won't actually see you. He may shout abuse at you in a strange, garbled language and be extremely rude and angry.Ignore all of this; he is not in control of himself and during the nightmare he'll be very frightened.

Sleep walking

Nightmares are not abnormal unless they occur frequently or are accompanied by regular sleep walking. This behavior suggests that the child is having to exercise a great deal of self-control to overcome anxieties when he is awake, and only loses this control w hen he is asleep o Try to find out the cause of the tension and remove it. If the cause isn't obvious -like the arrival of a new baby in the house, or the beginning of nursery school- talking things over with your doctor may be of help.

Very often there is little you can do to relieve your child's fear, even though that is your greatest wish. There's no point in trying to speak to him rationally about what is going on; in most cases he won't be able to understand you. During the nightmare don't ask your child to do anything it will put further pressure on him and only increase his anxiety. The only way for you to behave - even though the nightmare may last as long as half an hour - is to remain by his side, entirely sympathetic, calm, softly spoken and caring. Never, ever, leave a child who is having a nightmare; stay until it is over. Y our nearness and comfort are all that is required. Speak soothingly and quietly about anything you like; don't suggest that he try to pull himself together. Never raise your voice and never scold your child - it may make him hysterical.

Fear of the dark

If your child delays going to bed because he’s fearful of being left alone or of being in the dark, you yourself can send away these fears. If he’s scared of the dark, sit with him and distract him by reading a story, playing a game or singing nursery rhymes. Pat his back until he's calm and sleepy, or until he has quietly dropped off to sleep. Fear of the dark is perfectly normal and reasonable in a small child, so don't insist on the bedroom being dark. A low-wattage night light will be a comfort to him and also help you to see your way in the child's bedroom late at night.

Locked doors

One thing you should not do is lock your child's door to keep him away from you. This is just admitting your own failure to handle your child and is quite cruel. Locked doors and other barriers shouldn't be used in child care. There's no substitute for teaching your child, even as early as two years old, about the need to respect other people's privacy, including your own. A three-year-old child is open to reason and you should be able to explain to him that he cannot get out of bed whenever it pleases him, and that you will put him back no matter how often he does it. If you are firm but reasonable, your child should respond.

One thing you must do, for your child’s own safety, if he habitually gets out of bed is to put a guard across the top of all stairs.