Children who wake up at night

The estimated 15% of all two-year-olds who wake regularly in the night can be a source of great worry to parents, who also need their sleep. No matter how often this happens, or how irritating it may be, don't leave your child to cry; go to him immediately, provide comfort, and try to find out what the problem is. It may be something easily remedied - he may be cold because the blanket or quilt has fallen off; he may be too hot; he may be thirsty; he may be teething. On the other hand, it may be something less tangible: he may simply have woken up with a bad dream. The difficulty is that he can't explain what's upsetting him, and you can't tell him that he's got nothing to fear. What you should always do is provide love and affection, without any fear of spoiling him.

Coping with sleepless children

I'm very sympathetic to parents with sleepless children, having had two myself, one of whom became sick if he wasn't comforted within a minute or so after he started to cry. I would like to give the parents of such children a hopeful message. You may not enjoy an unbroken night's sleep for many years, and on many days you'll feel almost too tired to drag yourselves around. But you'll get through it! When I look at our two affectionate children I sometimes think I wouldn't have had it any other way - we gave them love in the night, they gave us five hundred times as much back every day.

At the time we were so desperate for sleep that it became our overriding priority; once it did, our worries were half over. We decided to do anything to ensure a full night's sleep, at least now and then. I could never believe that taking my baby into my bed and staying with him when he needed me could do either of us any harm. So I followed my instincts and threw any so-called rules to the wind. If you want to do the same, try it sooner rather than later. I'm convinced you're not buying problems, you're only being a good parent to your child.

- Parents must take alternate nights "on duty," the other remaining asleep and undisturbed unless there was an emergency.

- Also, parents should put a rollaway bed next to the baby's cot, so that we could put out a reassuring hand and pat him as he started to cry. This way, neither of us really woke up at all.

- Give the child 15 minutes to settle down, then we took him into our own bed - a sure fire success.

- Only give water or fruit juice at night, never milk.

Tips for children insomnia

• Put a pile of cloth or homemade board books at the bottom of the cot or bed for early morning "reading." Make sure there is enough light to see by; if there isn't, leave on a low wattage night light when you put your toddler to bed.

• Beside the baby's bed or cot put a soft box or plastic bucket filled with small toys, crayons, paper, bits of cloth or interesting household articles. He can sort through and play with them in the morning.

• Leave a paper bag with some fresh fruit or bread at the bottom of the bed; for safety reasons, never put the food in a plastic bag.

• Leave a drink in a cup within reach of your child.

Refusing to go to bed

According to the correspondence I get, there are more" difficult" babies around than most people realize, and they pose great problems for their parents. The baby who doesn't go to sleep at night is classically intelligent, physically very active, interested in everything that is going on around him, and openly affectionate. During the day these difficult children are delightful and very rewarding - but you pay the penalty at night.

Two of my four sons were sleepless, demanding babies, so I devised a few guiding principles for coping with them. Let me say first that the standard advice given in baby books did not work. If you have a difficult baby be prepared for this, and you'll feel less frustrated and in-adequate when it happens. Begin by getting your priorities straight: no one can function properly for long without adequate sleep, and you, as a parent, are no exception. The trouble with some baby books is that they fail to consider the needs of the parents. If you have a difficult sleepless child, you must think of yourself, too. Sleep is too important to miss for long, so why not adopt a few pragmatic rules, as opposed to the old-fashioned, dogmatic ones:

- There is nothing magical about bedrooms. Let your child go to sleep where he is most comfortable: at your feet on the floor, on a couch, in your lap.

- Be flexible about bed times. Left to themselves, most children go to sleep at seven at eight o' dock in the evening, whether you put them to bed or not. Why should they be unhappy upstairs in a room on their own, instead of happy in your company downstairs?

- Give your child an early evening bath. This often relaxes them and makes them sleepy.

- If your child is proving difficult to get to go to bed, still put on his night clothes before he's brought downstairs. If he falls asleep you won't have to wake him up again, but can put him straight into bed.

Sleeping in a strange bed

If you're going to take your child away from home, on holidays or just to a friend's house for the night, give some thought to making the night in a strange bed a happy one. Don't be secretive and spring the trip on your child at the last minute; this will only increase his feelings of insecurity. Take along a favorite toy and a familiar blanket; be prepared to read his favorite book and playa favorite game once he's in bed. If he still dings to you, stay with him until he falls asleep. Leave a night light on and go to him as soon as he starts to cry. For the first few days of a holiday, put the cot or bed in your room, or very near it, until he's used to the surroundings and feels more confident. If your child gets upset don't force him into bed and don't ever leave him alone or lock the door. If your child's very upset, keep him on your knee until he falls asleep. Great stress should make you question whether it's a good idea to change the bedtime routine by taking him out in the first place.